Yesterday I was at my local Target buying a large bag of Purina
dog chow for my loyal pet, Sheriff, the Wonder Dog and was in the
checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm
retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't
have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I
probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but
that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with
tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and
that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina
nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food
is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it
again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in
line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care
because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb
to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart
attack he was laughing so hard.

Target won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all
the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.